The Punk and the Snark
by Shiva-J
Summary: In DeMartino's class, Bob and Daria talk and find something in common... Bob/Daria shipping. As told in short ficlets.
1. 1

**The Punk and the Snark (Pt. 1)**

As Mr. DeMartino screamed in agony at the sheer stupidity of Kevin's latest answers to the teachers questions.

Bob the Punk leaned towards Daria and whispered, "Why does he always ask those two idiots to speak when this is ALWAYS the result?"

Daria thought this through and replied, "I think some part of him still believes that Kevin and Brittany can be educated."

"Now there's a level of faith that I could never have." Bob answered back as for a brief moment it seemed that DeMartino's eye would finally explode.

Alas it did not and their History teacher calmed down and continued his rant about the War of 1812.

Bob then felt brave enough to say, "So Daria, I've seen you in the Zon a lot. Would you mind if I took you there sometime?"

"You mean like a date?" Daria asked while DeMartino began to ask Brittany a question.

Bob nodded.

Daria glanced at the slumbering figure of Jane Lane next to her, ever since she started dating that asshole, Tom Sloane, she had become something of a third wheel.

Oddly enough now that she lacked Jane's company for a growing chunk of time, Daria was finding herself a bit lonely.

So she shrugged and said, "Sure."

"Cool," Bob replied, "I'll pick you up at eight."

Daria would have replied but two things happened.

Brittany mangled her answer and DeMartino began screaming again.


	2. 2

**The Punk and the Snark (Pt. 2)**

The Zon was its usual dirty, grungy beer-stained, smoke-filled, druggie infested den of sin and vice.

Not to mention that the music was terrible, courtesy of the band 'Foam Party'.

In other words it was the perfect safe place for a first date for the King of the Punks and the Queen of the Snark.

"Wow," Daria commented as she and Bob 'enjoyed' the show, "I never thought I'd hear a band worse than Mystik Spiral."

"I guess you didn't make it to Alternapalooza last year then," Bob replied with a fat blunt in one hand, a plastic cup full of cheap beer in the other, "The music there made Trent Lane and his band sound _decent_ by comparison."

"Actually no I didn't," Daria answered back with a cringe, "And the memories of my failed trip there are painful." Beat. "Want to swap horror stories?"  
Bob took a swig, "Sure."

"Ok then," Daria said with a hint of a grin, "The road trip started with me wearing lipstick..."

* * *

"...then by the time we got the engine fixed the show was already over." Daria finished.

"Ouch!" Bob said while finishing his blunt and dropping it on the ground, "But trust me when I say you didn't miss shit."

"How bad was it?" Daria asked as he stomped out the butt with his boot.

"Bad," Bob replied with a shudder and indicated to the stage, "Those clowns were the opening act for a start."

Daria winced, "I feel sympathy pain."

"And that was the start of the show," Bob added and took the last swig of his beer, "But thankfully the drummer of Crease handed out bad acid to the other performers and they, and most of the audience became too fucked up to do anything. So the show got shut down early."

"That explains a lot." Daria said after she thought it through.

And as if on cue, Foam Party reached the end of their set and thanked everyone for listening.

"They should be thanking us for not throwing tomatoes." Bob commented with a sly grin.

"Rotten or fresh?"

"It matters?"

And _that_ earned Bob his first half-smile from Daria Morgendorffer.


	3. 3

**The Punk and the Snark (Pt. 3)**

"So Daria," Jane said as they walked their usual route to school the next day, "How did your date with Bob Rollins go?"

"Surprisingly it went pretty well," Daria admitted, "The kid has a pretty good head on his shoulders."

"Well I'm impressed," Jane said back, "I think this is the first guy to get the Daria Stamp of Approval."

Daria raised an eyebrow at that.

"Other than Trent," Jane added that dagger into her back.

"Jane!" Daria moaned with a blush, "I'm over that crush."

"Sure kid," Jane teased as Lawndale High came into view, "But where do you see you and Bob going?"

"History Class." Daria snarked.

"You know what I mean."

Daria seemed to grin, "Well... After we left the Zon in a cab, Bob asked me out on another date. I said yes."

"Daria!" Jane crowed with glee.

"Relax," Daria replied, "It's just another date."

"Even if it's with a pretty cool guy." A Quinn-like voice whispered to her teasingly.

Daria found that her inner voice sounding like Quinn was more freaky than finding a good guy right under her nose.

* * *

In DeMartino's, Daria ignored the usual routine in favor a slight change in the seating chart.

Bob had taken over the desk on her other side, so now she had Jane on one end, Bob on the other.

Mr. D had simply stared for a minute before moving on without comment, after all these were his _good_ students.

"So Bob," Jane said to the blue haired punk in shredded clothes and combat boots, "Might I ask what sparked your interest in Ms. Morgendorffer here?"

"Jane!" Daria protested.

Bob however chuckled, "Well to tell you girls the truth, I've enjoyed keeping tabs on you both."

He relished their mutual surprise.

"What? I mean come on, the things you two have pulled and gotten away with have made this town _interesting_. And to tell you the truth..."

Bob actually blushed and kicked the floor with a boot, "I always thought you were cute Daria."

Daria found herself at a loss for words.

Jane just smiled and said, "Good answer, keep it up. Oh, and fight the Man!"

Bob just grinned and fist-pumped the air jokingly.

"BOB!" Mr. DeMartino screamed in desperation, "WHen you're RIch and FAMous, PLEase come back and SAve me from these MORons!"

Bob just grinned and gave him a thumbs up.

Even Daria managed to chuckle at this, glad for an excuse not to think about what Bob had just said.

It was simply too embarrassing.


	4. 4

**The Punk and the Snark (Pt. 4)**

Bob stood in front of the Morgendorffer's front door and rang the bell, he didn't have to wait long for an answer.

A middle aged guy opened the door, took one look, and yelled, "Quinn! Your date is here!"

"I'm for Daria." Bob said flatly as the younger Morgendorffer came down the stairs in a rather sensual ballroom gown.

She froze both at the sight of him, and what he had said.

"What?!" Quinn yelled in shock.

"I'm here to pick up Daria," Bob said to the two stunned people in front of him, "You know. Like on a date-type activity."

At this point his snark and sneer were in full effect, and it had quite the impact with his freshly spiked blue hair, slightly less frayed shirt and jeans, combat boots, and the addition of a huge spiked collar.

Daria quietly came down the stairs and walked around Quinn and said, "Dad, I'll be out until Midnight, don't wait up."

"Ok kiddo." Her Dad said in a suddenly perky voice and gave a thumbs up.

Bob wondered briefly if he was sane, but pushed it aside by offering Daria a flower.

"You were worth seeing the florist pass out twice when I came in to buy it." Bob assured her as she took it from him.

Daria looked down at the single, flawless white rose, then back up.

"It's beautiful, thank you."

Bob grinned, "No prob."

Daria smirked a tiny bit as she followed him out.

Jake and Quinn heard her ask where they were going, but Bob assured her it was a surprise.

Once they were gone, Jake shut the door and said, "I like that kid, he's so... Rad."

Quinn fainted.


	5. 5

**The Punk and the Snark (Pt. 5)**

"Bob, you know your way to a girl's heart." Daria said as she looked at him from across their candlelit table.

Bob smirked and then took another bite of his pizza.

"It pays to have connections," Bob said with a shrug, "Or so I'm told."

"I get that a lot," Daria admitted as she glanced at the book she was reading, "Then I tune my mother out in favor of more rational thought."

Bob chuckled and stretched his arms above his head, "I keep hearing about your infamous Mom, mostly from Quinn's boy toys who met her. Is she really that bad?"

Daria's eyes shined in the candlelight, "No."

Bob sagged with relief.

"She's worse."

Bob winced.

"Don't worry about it though," Daria added with a hint of glee, "Since you've done well enough that I won't subject you to her." A pause. "Willingly."

Bob gave a big belly laugh, which was impressive due to his perfectly flat stomach, "Well then we'll have to have more bookstore pizza dates afterhours then, huh?"

"Sounds good to me." Daria replied before glancing down at a borrowed copy of _The Bride of Lammermoor_.

Bob reminded himself to thank his uncle for letting him set this whole thing up.

After all, he did own the bookstore.


	6. 6

**The Punk and the Snark (Pt. 6)**

The next day saw something different happen in Lawndale.

Instead of walking to school, Daria and Jane had hitched a ride in Bob Rollin's beat up old Ford that was clearly on it's last legs.

"So a candlelit pizza date surrounded by books." Jane mused after Daria and Bob talked about the date, "It sounds just right up your alley Daria."

"You've got me pegged." Daria said with a dismissive shrug.

Bob just laughed as he pulled up in front of Lawndale High, "And this is where our good moods die."

"Now that sounds pretty damn accurate." Jane conceded with a distain filled glare at the red brick building.

* * *

It didn't take Daria and Bob long to discover that everyone in school knew that they had gone on a date.

That was because Brittany Taylor and Kevin Thompson came up to them, wearing full uniform as usual, and pretty much blurted it out like this.

"Wow! Tori was telling the truth. Daria I'm so happy you've got a boyfriend now. We can gossip now!" Brittany had chirped with an extra bounce in her step (and cleavage).

"Whoa!" Kevin said with jaw quite dropped, then to Bob in (what he thought) a whisper, "You're braver than I am, man."

"...Thanks?" Bob said while scratching his head.

Daria just shrugged, "Yeah, me and Bob kind of clicked. Anything else major?"

Brittany thought that through, "No, but you know what this place is like, right?"

If Bob and Daria had been drinking, it would have been a spit-take.

"...That was a scary good observation Brittany." Daria said after the shock wore off enough for her to speak.

"Thanks!"

Kevin didn't seem sure what was happening, but he did think that Daria wanted to know what else was going on in the school.

So he said, "...Well I did hook up with Nikki last night."

Then he remembered that Brittany was standing right there next to him, and her eyes were quickly narrowing.

"Wait! I mean... Uh huh..."

Brittany balled her fists.

"Oh no."

Daria and Bob had first row seats to Kevin's latest beat down.

The only downside was a lack of popcorn.


	7. 7

**The Punk and the Snark (Pt. 7)**

After putting it off for several days through stonewalling tactics, Daria had been forced to relent and conceded to Helen's demands to meet her first official boyfriend.

Then through a minor miracle her boss called and said that the settlement for the Paperpusher Mills Case was falling through.

Daria could smell the workload already.

So she used the other line to call Bob and told him he was off the hook, for now.

"But Jane and Tom are heading to TattooCon this weekend, and she's meeting his friends from Fielding for the first time." Daria told him nestled in the comfort and safety of her padded room.

"Heh," Bob laughed, "I didn't see you as the type for tats or piercings."

"I'm not," Daria said with a cringe while rubbing her belly and the hole from her failed piercing, "But I figure this could count as a double date."

"And a chance to hang with Jane and mock all new people in a whole new setting." Bob finished from his own room, a space with dark blue walls that could barely be seen through the countless posters.

"You've got me pegged." Daria admitted, a throaty chuckle afterward had Bob's blood pumping.

"Yes ma'am," Bob answered, "Well I'm looking forward to seeing rich kids freaking out over seeing all the unwashed masses and their uncouth behavior."

Daria's smirk could be felt in her tones, "Cool, see you later Bob."

"Yeah Daria, see ya."

_Click!_


	8. 8

**The Punk and the Snark [Pt. 8]**

"Oh _my_!"

Was the clever refrain that Patrick "Pat VII" Hackney VII managed to blurt out once the shock wore off.

The other one, the pudgy gay kid named Terry Wicklemore however was eyeballing the man-candy on display, and considering that a lot of the guys getting tattooed by the artists at Swedesville's Annual TattooCon were of the buff and muscular variety, the kid looked like he had died and discovered heaven to be an idealized West Hollywood.

Daria and Jane both smirked, it was rather mean to drop people like this into a place so outside of Prep school land, but it was funny.

"So Tom," Bob said as they rejoined the group with hot dogs, hamburgers, and beer that Bob had 'convinced' the vendor to sell them in lieu of being sucker punched, "Think you're man enough to get a tat?"

Tom laughed, "If I did I'd be kicked out of my economic bracket."

"Well as long as no one could see it..." Jane teased as Tom handed her a hot dog with all the trimmings.

Tom Sloane's blush was enough to have everyone snicker, even Daria cracked a small grin.

"I couldn't imagine mutilating my skin," Pat said, mostly to himself, "Plus I think the family would take everything including my name."

"Then what would we call you?" Terry joked while eyeing a guy in a full Yakuza bodysuit, "Pat No Number?"

As Tom Sloane's friends from Fielding Prep continued their banter, Bob waited for Daria to finish eating and then said, "Would it bother you if I said I have a small surprise to show you?"

"Why would a surprise bother me?" Daria asked while washing down the hot dog with the soda she had demanded instead of alcohol.

"Follow me." Bob said with a head nod in a direction towards the various tattooing stations set up across the venue.

Daria raised an eyebrow but followed, wondering if he remembered the story about her failed piercing.

And how she didn't plan on trying anything like that again.

* * *

"Are you sure about this?" Daria asked even as the grizzled older gent in faded tattoos and old leathers was shaving off hard to see hairs on Bob's chest.

"Course I'm sure." Bob said with a jaunty grin, "And it'll only take a couple hours to finish, so we won't be forced to stay all that long, if the crowd gets to you."

Daria tried to think of a response, but instead her gaze was unable to rise above Bob's exposed and surprisingly toned body, the less said about his nipple rings the better.

As Gus the Tattooman placed the transfer paper with the design over his heart, Daria decided to snag a nearby chair and watch the process unfold.

"Maybe it isn't as bad as I've built it up to be." Daria mused to herself as Gus began to set up his inks.

She was about to find out.

* * *

"Wow!" Jane exclaimed once Bob and Daria found them in the crowd, and she figured out why Bob wasn't wearing a shirt.

"Cool tat man." Terry said as his eyes undressed the rest of the punk.

Pat just shook his head at the both of them and whispered to Terry something that sounded like, "I thought those two bikers you hooked up with would have filled your quota."

"Why the fancy lock though?" Tom asked with a tilt of his head as he took the image in.

Bob smiled, "I had the picture for a while, it's of an old fashion lock that I found at my Grandmother's when I was little, and it has a matching key."

Bob then fished something out of his pocket and held it up in the light, it was a rather antique looking key.

He then handed it to Daria and said, "Since you aren't ready for a tattoo, you can have the real key."

Daria's mask briefly broke and the group was able to see, most for the first time, that she was deeply touched.

"...Thank you." she said back softly as she held the key in her hands limply.

Bob took her hands into his and held them firmly, he didn't say anything back but let his actions speak for him instead.

Jane, Tom, Terry, and Pat gave them a comfortable space for the rest of the trip.


	9. 9

**The Punk and the Snark [Pt. 9]**

The next day at school Daria was often seen grabbing at something around her neck, but since it was hidden inside her thick green coat no one was sure what it was.

In fact most people didn't know there was anything there at all and just assumed that the weird chick was doing something weird and dismissed it out of hand.

Jane however always smiled a little whenever she saw her friend doing that.

At least once she knew what it was about.

She asked during a bathroom break in-between first period and second.

"Daria, what's with the neck grabbing? Is your long-worn coat finally starting to fall apart?"

Daria shook her head as they washed their hands.

"Then what's up?"

Daria actually smiled a little and didn't say anything until she dried her hands, then she unzipped the top part of her coat enough to reveal her mustard yellow top and a new addition around her neck that had Jane gasping.

An antique key on a leather thong.

"This is what's up." was all that Daria said before she zipped back up and went about her business as if nothing of import had just occurred.

To Daria the important things of the day were the moments she spent with Jane, Bob, and the combination of the two.

Life was actually looking up to the resident cynic.

Which made her suspicious, after all what went up just HAD to come down.

"Plus we live in Lawndale." Daria's inner SuperCynic voice added darkly, "The only place worse is Highland."

That forbidden word made her shudder still, but as long as Beavis and Butthead stayed in Texas then things wouldn't get COMPLETELY sucky.

She hoped.


	10. 10

**The Punk and the Snark [Pt. 10]**

The suck reared it's ugly head two days later when Helen Morgendorffer became a perfect storm of having a reprise from work and a parental kick to boot.

"Please God let Eric call!" Daria begged and begged to no avail, since apparently God kicked all the prayers of snarky teenage girls to His voice mail.

Try as she might, Daria was unable to avoid being cornered by her mother during yet another attempt at a 'family' dinner.

"So have you considered bringing your new beau over for dinner to meet the rest of the family?" Helen asked in tones that reek of the question actually meaning something different.

An order to bring him here for interrogation.

Or else.

"Yes," Daria stated to get her mother's hopes up, "But then I recovered my sanity and decided against it."

"Daria!" Helen sighed with exasperation, "This isn't the time for one of your crazy jokes..."

Daria waited for the phone to go off.

But it didn't.

"It would nice for us to meet this boy, after all this is your first time in the dating world and it would be nice to meet him."

"Have you met any of Quinn's boy-toys?" Daria said as a comeback.

"Yeah I have!" Jake spoke up from his newspaper, "That Kevin fellow was nice..."

"Da-ad!" Quinn whined, "I've never dated Kevin! He was here last year as Daria's science-lab partner thingy."

"Oh yeah, your right pumpkin... Tell you what, why don't you bring your boyfriend over for dinner too!"

Quinn began to stammer, trying to figure a way out of this particular pickle, especially since she didn't _have_ a steady boyfriend like that.

"That sounds wonderful!" Helen said in a voice that indicated this was her final word on the matter, "We'll get everything set up for Friday night."

Quinn gasped, no doubt some party or something would need to be rescheduled.

Daria however was anticipating how much she'd have to spend on pizza and beer to make this up to Bob, that is if he could survive a full 12 rounds in the ring with the Vitale firm's best junior associate.

"The Cabin fund is going to take a nasty hit from this." Daria's inner voice whispered to her, forcing her to do the only thing available to her at this point.

She moved her plate and banged her head on the table.


	11. 11

**The Punk and the Snark (Pt. 11)**

Dinner was very much the disaster that Daria had predicted it to be.

Things started off cordial, Bob had arrived in an actual _suit and tie_ and even with his piercings and blue hair looked good in.

Her father had palled around with him, which had Daria breathing a sigh of relief.

Helen on the other hand gave him the sort of looks that Daria recognized from those times she had gone with her Mom to the courthouse.

It hadn't boded well then, and it wasn't working out now.

"Not even Quinn's idiot date is helping much." Daria thought with a glance at the J in question, what was his name again? She couldn't keep them straight, and she suspected no one else could either.

Whatever his name, the poor lad was only serving as a temporary distraction. Helen in her maternal hypocrisy saw very little wrong with Quinn bringing a fellow brain-dead popular as a 'date'.

_Her_ date on the other hand...

"So Bob," Helen stated very evenly while cutting up her steak, "What exactly do you do in terms of activities?"

Jake saw Daria's glare and began loading up on rolls, praying that things wouldn't get out of hand.

Bob shrugged, even as his leg rubbed up against Daria's, "I do some wrestling and weight lifting to keep Li off my back, other than that not much else."

Helen gave him a penetrating stare, but Bob didn't wilt.

"Even that much is more than what Daria's been willing to do." Helen commented, her tone casual, but even Quinn could pick up the subtext.

Daria took a sip of her soda, if looks could kill, Daria would have been arrested for matricide.

"But surely they wouldn't allow you to have such an... unconventional appearance on the mat." Helen added, her laser like focus never wavering from the perp, I mean boyfriend.

Daria clenched her glass so hard it started to crack.

"I take out the piercings for meets," Bob admitted, "But I put 'em back in afterward."

"Seems inconvenient," Helen stated, her tone cool and icy, "Surely it would be easier to just leave them out...?"

"Maybe he doesn't _want_ to leave them out." Daria snapped, her patience wearing thin.

"Daria!" Helen snapped back, "You watch your tone young lady."

"Only if you dropped the interrogation." Daria growled, not backing down an inch.

"Girls..." Jake began butting in as a peacekeeper. But one glare from Helen had him squeaking and shutting up.

As Helen turned back to Daria and the two of them _really_ started getting into it, Quinn and the J (what was his name again?) took this as their chance to escape while escaping was good.

As soon as the pair had left the room, and Daria and Helen were starting to outright yell at each other, a bellow of, "HEY!" filled the room.

Jake, Helen, and Daria turned as one to see Bob sitting in seat, cool as a cucumber with his hands cupped in front of his mouth.

He lowered them and said while getting up, "Well you were right Daria, this dinner was doomed to suck. But I don't feel like being the reason for a fight so I'll show myself out. I'll see you in the morning."

"Bob..." Daria began, her voice held the hint of a quiver.

Bob turned back and gave her a small grin, "It's ok Daria, I'll see you tomorrow. Promise."

As Bob turned his back on the group, Helen found her voice.

"Young man..."

That was as far as she got.

Without looking back as he left, Bob simply called out, "No more drama Mrs. Morgendorffer, I'm not giving you and Daria an excuse to tear into each other tonight."

And with that he stepped out of the Morgendorffer's rarely used dining room.

A minute later they heard the front door open and slam shut.

Then they finally noticed that Quinn and her date had bailed on them.

As Helen turned her remaining ire on this 'desertion', Daria took her own chance to escape, briefly bemused that her father was doing the same.

Then she felt the panic beginning to return and needed to call Jane for advice, and hopefully a way to make it up to Bob.

"I don't think buying out all the pizza in Lawndale could make up for this." Daria thought darkly.

She'd have to do something else.

But what?


	12. 12

**The Punk and the Snark (Pt. 12)**

"Are you sure about this Daria?" Bob asked her.

"Yes I'm sure." Daria replied with more confidence than she actually felt.

"I mean I know you want to try and make up for the argument but it's ok Daria. I'm not mad at you. Honest."

Daria smiled just a little bit, "Thank you, Bob. That means a lot to me."

"No sweat." Bob answered with a small laugh.

But before he could say more, Daria put a hand on his opening mouth and said, "However I still feel like I owe you for exposure to the Morgendorffer Clan without proper protection."

"And what protection would that be?"

"A battalion of tanks."

Bob laughed, not knowing that Daria wasn't joking.

"Ok, let's do this." Daria said to herself before taking the plunge into Operation 'Make-up With Bob', which coincidently would inspire Operation 'Come Up With Better Operation Names'.

* * *

And with a sickening crunch the wrestler in the Day-Glo outfit went down.

"This. Is. _Awesome!"_ Bob crowed with mad glee, relishing the front row seats to WWE SmackDown's latest match.

Daria watched as the other guy (she couldn't keep track of who was who) waited until he got up and then unleashed a brutal clothesline on 'Day-Glo'.

"Daria!" Bob said to his girl, "This makes up for at least a years worth."

"A year's worth of what?" Daria asked out of morbid curiosity.

Bob just grinned like a cat that had found a whole cage of defenseless song birds and kissed her.

Daria froze for a brief second before melting into it.

When Bob pulled away she felt mild disappointment, and something of it must of shown on her face since Bob grinned again and said.

"A year's worth of any and all BS."

Then he kissed her again.

Daria didn't remember anything about the fight after that, but she was now a converted fan.

"WWE isn't so bad after all." She concluded once her brain started working again.


End file.
